TALK TO ME ABOUT YOUR EXPERIENCE WITH COMPLIMENTS!
Do you like giving them? Receiving them? What do you love in a compliment? What do you wish people would do more or less of?
Since we're going to flex our compliment muscles this week, let's go over some Compliment Tips, intersectional-empowerment style! 😍
Seasoned Selfie to Self Love challengers know that during the selfie challenge, the compliments are a true highlight of the experience. The comments go wild!! If you're not already signed up, it's not too late! We just started today!! Or, if you’re seeing this post way later, no worries — we’ll do another one and you can totally sign up for the waitlist. Sign up here: www.selfietoselflove.com
I think there's actually some magic involved in giving a really lovely, juicy compliment that can LAND on the person who you're intending it for.
🎉 So, here are some tips! 🎉
1️⃣ Use non-gendered language:
Try to avoid words like "lady" and "queen" because the person you are complimenting might not identify as a woman, or whatever gender you presume them to be.
A general tip (for like, life, not just compliment parties in the ES!) is don't assume that you know the person in the photo's gender. Here in the Empowerment Studio, as within ANY community, we have members who are cis, trans, genderqueer and gender fluid, non-binary, intersex, and beyond. This means we can't assume anything - what pronouns someone uses, or how someone identifies! Let's be inclusive of our friends of all genders in here!
🚫 "You're such a beautiful woman!" --> INSTEAD, try: "You're such a beautiful human!" 👍
🚫 "Lady, you look amazing." --> 👍 "Friend, you look amazing."
🚫 "Oh my gosh, you have the most womanly curves" --> 👍 "Oh my gosh, you have the most captivating curves."
2️⃣ Give compliments that are 100% about the person who is in the photo.
I often see compliments where people refer to being jealous/envious of the person, or stating that they wish they looked like someone else.
🚫 "Omg my butt would never look that good in those pants." (aka your butt is great but mine isn't!) --> 👍 "Your butt looks amazing in those pants!"
🚫 "I'm so jealous of your gorgeous, long hair!" (aka your hair is gorgeous but also feel bad for me because my hair would never be that gorgeous!) --> 👍 "I love your long gorgeous hair!"
🚫 "Ugh I wish I could look as amazing as you do in that bra." (aka your boobs > mine) --> 👍 "You look freaking incredible in that bra. It fits you so well!"
Y'all, I get why we do it! It's SOOOOOOO freaking baked into our society. But ...... let's just not. Let's not put ourselves down in the process of lifting someone else up!
3️⃣ Don't assume how others feel about their bodies!
It can be REALLY easy to use our own internal biases and negative self-talk to project insecurity or dislike of someone else's body. And I get it! If you aren't a fan of your own wrinkly elbow, and you see someone who's elbow is even wrinklier than yours -- THIS DOES NOT MEAN THEY DON'T LIKE THEIR WRINKLY ELBOW! Who knows? Maybe they're in LOVE with their wrinkly elbow! Maybe they don't like it very much but pointing it out is not gonna help them in ANY way. Maybe they're working on learning to love it and you pointing out that it's a thing they "should" be insecure about will take them 20 steps back on their journey.
Instead, just don't mention that body part that you think might be an insecurity in the first place -- or if you do, try to find something that you GENUINELY love about it. (I kind of dig this second option, IF you can really really be genuine and not backhanded in your love. Because in learning to love something on another person, we get the chance to learn to love that part of ourselves more too. But for real, y'all, be careful with this one.)
🚫 "You look so great even with your wrinkly elbow" --> 👍 "I love your hair!"
🚫 "Don't feel bad that your elbow is so wrinkly. I still think it looks okay." --> 👍 "The angle of your elbow really allows it to catch the light in the most beautiful way."
🚫 "Your wrinkly elbow doesn't make up who you are. You are so much more gorgeous than that! Like, look at your beautiful eyes!" --> 👍"Oh my gosh, I cannot get over the way the light reflects and bounces all over your skin. I'm especially drawn to the wrinkles in your elbow. They look like a map of magic, and it makes me feel so drawn to your energy in this picture."
(Yeah okay the Elbow Metaphor is getting a little strange but like..... you get where we're going with this, right??! 😂)
Alright, my dears! With all of THAT in our back pockets, let's dig in! Which tip is your favorite? Did you learn anything new from this post?
It's time to practice and strengthen our compliment muscles (if only there was a really epic selfie challenge that could help you practice this..... 😉😆 --> www.selfietoselflove.com)